Crooks and other types of politician

That Honorable Gentleman, Peter Hain, must be breathing a sigh of relief at the moment. Never can a Cabinet minister have felt so chuffeded to hear that his country is slipping inexorably into recession, that its streets grow more lawless every day and that it is about to hand over what little is left of its sovereignty to the Soviet Republic of Europa.

Hain, we should remember, is the man who not only borrowed close to £200,000 and forgot to report it but was so inept in the spending of this huge sum of money that he managed to finish fifth in a six horse race in which most of the other runners have been also-rans so often that they only get invted to parties to make up the numbers. Now, to most people the humiliation of losing out to the likes of Harriet Harman and Hilary Benn would concentrate the mind wonderfully. It would certainly bring into fairly sharp focus the fact that they had gambled away almost 200 grand on a long-odds loser. Particularly since the money came in the form of loans, now due for repayment, , since the favours - which might have been perceived to be in the gift of the deputy Leader of the Labour party- are obviously no longer on offer.

Hain is most definitely not most people. Correction: Hain is nothing but has never quite come to terms with the fact. Thus he spends his life trying to convince himself that he is something, even when this involves continuous flip-flops of beliefs, affiliations and frienships. All in all, a fairly typical - modrn politician, in fact.

Let us hope that some breathing space between Europe, the end of the world as we know it and death on the streets might present itself and Mr Hain can have his collar felt like any other money launderer and corrupt politician.

Talking of which, why has it taken people so long to catch on to Red Ken Livingstone? The man has acted as if London is his personal fiefdom from the moment he was elected. That he got away with it up until now is almost solely due to the inability of most members of the political lobby to look behind the public, Cheeky Chappy, mask. The man is a conniving, evil and bent little succubus who has had his teeth into the soft tit of London for far too long. With any luck, he and Hain might get to share a cell together some time soon.